I love introductions because they mean I am at the beginning. I usually kill at the first impression, I mean I am fairly skilled at this stuff. It is everything directly after that gives me problems. For example, ace interviews but loose jobs... or the fact that most fish seem to like me right from the start. But then once we are living together they die and honestly few relationships ever really recover from that, it's kind of a deal breaker. I plan not to actually use that as a metaphor for the rest of my life, but you should feel free to draw any inferences you suspect are appropriate.
I thought since the world is turned upside down and a whole other color than it was when I started this blog 'round about like 2007-ish it might be cool if I did my 7 readers a solid and reintroduce myself. Also pretty much cause of what I said about shinning at being someone you don't know. And so that maybe other people I do not know will like what they read here and stop by more often. Now that is not to say I wouldn't like all most of the people I already know to hang out here too, of course I do. Pull up a chair and get comfortable. But, seriously, we need some new friends.
Having intro'd my intro here we are... I am the Modern Mommy. I have two beautiful, smart, funny and awesome (it all skips a generation- so my grandkids will surely be more like outcasts) daughters and we are all totally normal. Like a lot normal. We live in a great neighborhood in an awesome small town in Missouri. Modern Kindergartner is six and is now missing two teeth (both by natural causes) She is smart and loving, tall, way too cute, super sensitive and completely and unquestionably great in this amazing but confusing way. I cannot always figure what is going on in her head, but she is my firstborn and therefore will forever be when my dearest wish came true - motherhood. Modern Preschooler is almost four now and as named, hangs out a few days a week in Montessori preschool as did her sister and mother before her. She too is wicked smart but wears her heart on her sleeve and says mad funny things that make me sure she already understands more about life than I do.
Now me. As clearly stated, I am really normal. I read bedtime stories, wash behind ears and bake muffins. I rock the PTA and am the assist. leader in Girl Scouts - which is to say we are always late to meetings, sold the least amt of cookies this year and I have no real responsibilities since the troop leader is an elementary school teacher and was clearly put on this planet to teach, organize and inspire. And to be generally awesome at it. Annoying. But dang it if I do not have the title: Assistant leader - respect it. The following are constantly running at our house: washer, dryer, dishwasher, iPod, the very MacBook I am typing away happily on and a Hannah Montana doll that has "got nerve" I drive a dirty car that has melted snow sludge outside and spill-able drinkable yogurt stains on the inside. I am addicted to The West Wing, Van Morrison, decaf iced mocha's and none of our sheets, pillow cases or comforters make up a set. I love photography, graphic design, digital scrap-booking and napping.
I am pretty liberal (grew up in Northern California - thus the constant urge to wear socks with sandals) although much to the confusion of my family have some strangely conservative tendencies like spontaneous tearing up when I see a brave soul in military uniform or at the sight of an over sized American flag casting a shadow on the hallowed if not flawed but still worthy American soil below. You didn't think I was poetic did ya? I didn't finish college (yet), or really ever aggressively pursue the idea of being a career woman, although I stayed in a Holiday Inn Express once. I am what I have heard lovingly referred to as a lapsed Mormon. I do not, as of yet, have a definition for my status other than to say my heart is still true to the faith, but the rest of me is weak and constantly making other plans. Most importantly, I am deeply and madly in love with my sweet girls and am indescribably happy and honored to be their mommy. I love this calling with ever fiber of my being. This is most surely the thing I was put here to do. I am crazy social but like the comfort and silence of my own mind, that is to say I actually enjoy some time alone. Which, I suspect, like the rest of you is a contradiction because I do have deep fears of being alone. I am insecure (female), a little unsure of my role in the world, or even what I want it to be (female) and have been convinced for some time now that my outsides do not reflect who I am on the inside (female) which most days is just a kid in sheep's clothing. I really like the illusion that I have any control of the environment around me and really like being the master of my own domain. I guess that is about it...
Ohh yeah. There is also this itsy, bitsy other minor detail... I am divorced. If there were a font for whispering I would have used it there.
This small and barely mentionable fact is, for me, like a scar I am constantly trying to buy long sleeve shirts to cover. If you are reading this and are also divorced, I am confident you are normal and picture me giving you one of the super duper secret divorced club handshakes. FYI - Membership dues need to be in by thursday, this year's t-shirts have arrived (contact me if you didn't get the right size because you have done too much emotional eating and gained weight since we ordered them) and don't forget to sign up for the this month's inspirational seminar/potluck. We still need people to bring paper plates and anti-depressants. And by the way thanks for being here and tell a friend.
But for me divorce is the hopelessly abbey normal piece I cannot reconcile. Some days I wear it like a stretch mark that is evidence of growth and life. Proud and unashamed. After all, it is not the thing that defines me but more like a failure turned life lesson that forced change and gave way for strength. The rest of the time, when I am not busy writing pithy fortune cookie phrases that belong on a poster just below the kitten dangling from a branch, it nags at me like an unfinished project. Divorce is an ugly and gut wrenching process that pretty much goes on and on like monopoly. Divorce means your kids loose their first tooth while hanging out with your ex and his new girlfriend, divorce means empty little kid's beds and silent playrooms a few nights a week. It means the person you once adored and whose name you still have, now makes you want to push needles into your eyes and chew glass rather than have share a conversation.
Mostly divorce means that you are now and forever misunderstood by the other half of the population who look down at you with one of the following going through their heads: "you didn't try hard enough and you have kids" or "good thing me and my spouse are so much better than you cause it will never happen to us" and if you are really lucky it's more like "I feel for you but just cannot relate" Sadly this dreaded fate seems to attach itself to many people, most of whom are in my family. Heck, between my brothers and I we have racked up 5 divorces. I am of course not bragging but you have to admit sometimes people are more familiar with the team in dead last than in one having an average, but unnoticed season. Only one of those legal actions was mine and it is fair to say that one of us is spectacularly good at it and it really should be noted that when it comes to religion, divorce and careers in the legal field, my family is one big knock knock joke. We champion mediocrity, it's kind of our thing. The kids do anyway, my folks at least had the good taste to get impressive educations and successfully navigate a 35 + (and counting...) year marriage. There appears to have been a communication breakdown some where after that... Can't put my finger on it and that's a blog post for another day.
Here is the good news. I am way smarter now. And let'e be clear - adversity is way funnier than happiness. I have jokes for miles people. My ex was always good for a laugh (at him not with him cause he has the humor of a elm tree) but now I have more material than all of the Bush years combined and funny has really always been my true north. Sarcastic and bitter, those are my people.
I am currently kinda, sorta but mostly not dating a really nice guy for just about a year now. Other than a shocking lack of compatibility in any of the areas that matter, our non-relationship has been a welcome break from the self esteem strangling, confidence shredding and faith loosing episode I simply refer to as my first marriage. This insignificant other and I have kept things uber casual and he fits right into the only small compartment I am currently brave enough to expose to the world aka every other saturday night.
More good news you ask? Yeah, my cup runneth over. I got custody of all the cool friends. Most of them were only in it for me to begin with, but as good and faithful friends do they have stayed at my side and join me in the general consensus that my ex is just a tool. The only disclaimer I will make, and I say this with genuine gratitude and relief, is that Modern Ex Husband is a good and loving daddy. Briefly, if I could wax humble and honest, I will say I made lots of mistakes. No excuses. I have regrets but am moving on. I choked on that one a little but hey, I am keeping it real. Overall the best and most fantastic thing possible thing happened, Modern Kindergartner and Modern Preschooler. The two greatest kids ever and they literally fill my heart with love every single day. They really are my pride and my joy. Also, and I am pretty sure about this, the reason I have so much lower back pain.
This is not a divorce blog. Not sure what that means on the account of the fact that I am not sure I would know one if I saw one. It was first and is still a Mommy Blog. I guess I am just determined to stick with my original thesis of being normal and not ruled by bitterness. Don't worry, I won't be offended if you do not believe a word of this so far. For the most part I plan to just keep on tellin' stories about life and how I screw up my kids so they will have plenty to blog, tweet and txt about for generations to come. I will be making fun of the world as I see it (maybe even as you see it), complaining a whole lot and bragging on my girls and our adventures together.
I will surely find ways to over share more about all of this in posts to come, but for now this should catch everyone up, interest the passers by and bore the rest of you to tears. Feel free to sift through my archives if you are stuck in an airport or a stalled elevator. Much of my previous writing does not reflect on who I am now, but I cannot yet find the courage to delete it. Please stop by again soon, extend me some link love and don't forget to comment early and comment often.
