New Adventures Of The Old MODERN MOMMY

Quarantine - The One Where My Immune System Makes It Into A Scientific Journal

The truth is that we get sick a lot.  That is to say that I get sick a lot.  As I have very often mused, I have the immune system of a garden hose.  And contrary to my typical MO of never really finishing anything I start, I try to start and finish just as many illnesses as I can get my white blood cells on.  This last winter was especially rough and after Modern Kindergardener, Modern Preschooler and I managed to lick the wrong door knob just enough times we finally got the strain of H1N1 we were looking for and proceeded to spend like a month in bed.  My personal opinion is that nothing has been the same since but that doesn't leave much explanation for the last 33 years.  

Eventually, it started to feel like some sort of quarantine ordered by the CDC around here.  Months passed, the kids missed a lot of school, I began buying Kleenex and Nyquil in bulk and everyone on Facebook quit believing me when my status reported anything about runny noses, high fevers or deep and lingering coughs.  We had tubes installed outside our house like the ones at the drive-thru windows at the bank so that no one had to actually come in physical contact with us.  Other than an occasional package from Amazon or the local Chinese restaurant delivering under cooked pork lo mein, we dropped out of all good society.  The American Humane Society and the Surgeon General released warnings about prolonged exposure to us and the FDA investigated my pantry.  We were even approached about converting some of our DNA into weaponized gas but I am not supposed to talk about that without an atty present.  Do you remember that scene in ET where the house is sealed off and men in HAZMAT suits were everywhere?

It was a lot like that.

As is the new normal for me, I am actually at the tail end of yet another never ending pre-spring cold right now as I type.  It's like a white sale really, but without the beautiful all cotton towels.  The carpet in my master bdrm is covered in a light dusting of tissues and I have consumed my weight in orange juice. A friend recently reminded me about the importance of scheduling one's annoyance.  Scheduling is certainly the key and I have begun a similar procedure when it comes to illness. This will surely not affect much change but at least it is one more thing I can check off on a list... and you all know how I love lists.

Welcome Aboard, We've Been Expecting You...

If this is your first time here (are you lost?) Welcome to The Modern Mommy! If you are a friend stopping by, one of the loyal member's only 7 (and all blood relatives) or just an accidental click, please grab a cup of coffee (ok, ok, or a Sprite) get comfortable and read this recent post of mine.  I have been teetering back and forth between blogging madly and total internet obscurity since 2007 but have decided to get back into the game full swing these days.  This post is a reintroduction of sorts after many life changes, aka curve balls I had no hope of getting a piece of... I thrive on mediocrity and low expectations so while my posts are not particularly intelligent or funny, they are always long. What can I say, like you know exactly what you are about at any given moment?

Can't wait to hear from all of you and become lifelong BFFs... and by that I look forward to you admiring me from afar with barely legal forms of stalking like endless FB friend requests, Tweets and Blog comments!  

If you haven't left yet, you might belong here.

 

11/2010 ~ As a side note and update: Modern First Grader, Modern Pre-Schooler and I have spent the last 6 mos falling back in love with our wonderful church and being welcomed back with open arms by our amazing ward family. We are working on family goals, including the temple. I have sworn off the Lattes for now but still love Van Morrison and napping. And I continue to vote democrat and wear socks with my sandals. No word on how either will affect the impending recommend interviews.

Over Sharing, The One Where I Reintroduce Myself

I love introductions because they mean I am at the beginning. I usually kill at the first impression, I mean I am fairly skilled at this stuff.  It is everything directly after that gives me problems.  For example, ace interviews but loose jobs... or the fact that most fish seem to like me right from the start.  But then once we are living together they die and honestly few relationships ever really recover from that, it's kind of a deal breaker.  I plan not to actually use that as a metaphor for the rest of my life, but you should feel free to draw any inferences you suspect are appropriate. 

I thought since the world is turned upside down and a whole other color than it was when I started this blog 'round about like 2007-ish it might be cool if I did my 7 readers a solid and reintroduce myself.  Also pretty much cause of what I said about shinning at being someone you don't know. And so that maybe other people I do not know will like what they read here and stop by more often.  Now that is not to say I wouldn't like all most of the people I already know to hang out here too, of course I do.  Pull up a chair and get comfortable.  But, seriously, we need some new friends.

Having intro'd my intro here we are... I am the Modern Mommy.  I have two beautiful, smart, funny and awesome (it all skips a generation- so my grandkids will surely be more like outcasts) daughters and we are all totally normal. Like a lot normal. We live in a great neighborhood in an awesome small town in Missouri. Modern Kindergartner is six and is now missing two teeth (both by natural causes)  She is smart and loving, tall, way too cute, super sensitive and completely and unquestionably great in this amazing but confusing way.  I cannot always figure what is going on in her head, but she is my firstborn and therefore will forever be when my dearest wish came true - motherhood.  Modern Preschooler is almost four now and as named, hangs out a few days a week in Montessori preschool as did her sister and mother before her.  She too is wicked smart but wears her heart on her sleeve and says mad funny things that make me sure she already understands more about life than I do.

Now me. As clearly stated, I am really normal.  I read bedtime stories, wash behind ears and bake muffins. I rock the PTA and am the assist. leader in Girl Scouts - which is to say we are always late to meetings, sold the least amt of cookies this year and I have no real responsibilities since the troop leader is an elementary school teacher and was clearly put on this planet to teach, organize and inspire. And to be generally awesome at it. Annoying. But dang it if I do not have the title: Assistant leader - respect it. The following are constantly running at our house: washer, dryer, dishwasher, iPod, the very MacBook I am typing away happily on and a Hannah Montana doll that has "got nerve"  I drive a dirty car that has melted snow sludge outside and spill-able drinkable yogurt stains on the inside. I am addicted to The West Wing, Van Morrison, decaf iced mocha's and none of our sheets, pillow cases or comforters make up a set. I love photography, graphic design, digital scrap-booking and napping. 

I am pretty liberal (grew up in Northern California - thus the constant urge to wear socks with sandals) although much to the confusion of my family have some strangely conservative tendencies like spontaneous tearing up when I see a brave soul in military uniform or at the sight of an over sized American flag casting a shadow on the hallowed if not flawed but still worthy American soil below.  You didn't think I was poetic did ya?  I didn't finish college (yet), or really ever aggressively pursue the idea of being a career woman, although I stayed in a Holiday Inn Express once.  I am what I have heard lovingly referred to as a lapsed Mormon. I do not, as of yet, have a definition for my status other than to say my heart is still true to the faith, but the rest of me is weak and constantly making other plans.  Most importantly, I am deeply and madly in love with my sweet girls and am indescribably happy and honored to be their mommy. I love this calling with ever fiber of my being. This is most surely the thing I was put here to do.  I am crazy social but like the comfort and silence of my own mind, that is to say I actually enjoy some time alone.  Which, I suspect, like the rest of you is a contradiction because I do have deep fears of being alone.  I am insecure (female), a little unsure of my role in the world, or even what I want it to be (female) and have been convinced for some time now that my outsides do not reflect who I am on the inside (female) which most days is just a kid in sheep's clothing.  I really like the illusion that I have any control of the environment around me and really like being the master of my own domain. I guess that is about it...

Ohh yeah. There is also this itsy, bitsy other minor detail... I am divorced. If there were a font for whispering I would have used it there. 

This small and barely mentionable fact is, for me, like a scar I am constantly trying to buy long sleeve shirts to cover.  If you are reading this and are also divorced, I am confident you are normal and picture me giving you one of the super duper secret divorced club handshakes. FYI - Membership dues need to be in by thursday, this year's t-shirts have arrived (contact me if you didn't get the right size because you have done too much emotional eating and gained weight since we ordered them) and don't forget to sign up for the this month's inspirational seminar/potluck.  We still need people to bring paper plates and anti-depressants.  And by the way thanks for being here and tell a friend.  

But for me divorce is the hopelessly abbey normal piece I cannot reconcile.  Some days I wear it like a stretch mark that is evidence of growth and life. Proud and unashamed. After all, it is not the thing that defines me but more like a failure turned life lesson that forced change and gave way for strength. The rest of the time, when I am not busy writing pithy fortune cookie phrases that belong on a poster just below the kitten dangling from a branch, it nags at me like an unfinished project. Divorce is an ugly and gut wrenching process that pretty much goes on and on like monopoly.  Divorce means your kids loose their first tooth while hanging out with your ex and his new girlfriend, divorce means empty little kid's beds and silent playrooms a few nights a week.  It means the person you once adored and whose name you still have, now makes you want to push needles into your eyes and chew glass rather than have share a conversation.  

Mostly divorce means that you are now and forever misunderstood by the other half of the population who look down at you with one of the following going through their heads: "you didn't try hard enough and you have kids" or "good thing me and my spouse are so much better than you cause it will never happen to us" and if you are really lucky it's more like "I feel for you but just cannot relate"  Sadly this dreaded fate seems to attach itself to many people, most of whom are in my family.  Heck, between my brothers and I we have racked up 5 divorces.  I am of course not bragging but you have to admit sometimes people are more familiar with the team in dead last than in one having an average, but unnoticed season.  Only one of those legal actions was mine and it is fair to say that one of us is spectacularly good at it and it really should be noted that when it comes to religion, divorce and careers in the legal field, my family is one big knock knock joke.  We champion mediocrity, it's kind of our thing. The kids do anyway, my folks at least had the good taste to get impressive educations and successfully navigate a 35 + (and counting...) year marriage.  There appears to have been a communication breakdown some where after that... Can't put my finger on it and that's a blog post for another day.

Here is the good news.  I am way smarter now. And let'e be clear - adversity is way funnier than happiness.  I have jokes for miles people. My ex was always good for a laugh (at him not with him cause he has the humor of a elm tree) but now I have more material than all of the Bush years combined and funny has really always been my true north.  Sarcastic and bitter, those are my people.  

I am currently kinda, sorta but mostly not dating a really nice guy for just about a year now. Other than a shocking lack of compatibility in any of the areas that matter, our non-relationship has been a welcome break from the self esteem strangling, confidence shredding and faith loosing episode I simply refer to as my first marriage. This insignificant other and I have kept things uber casual and he fits right into the only small compartment I am currently brave enough to expose to the world aka every other saturday night. 

More good news you ask? Yeah, my cup runneth over.  I got custody of all the cool friends.  Most of them were only in it for me to begin with, but as good and faithful friends do they have stayed at my side and join me in the general consensus that my ex is just a tool.  The only disclaimer I will make, and I say this with genuine gratitude and relief, is that Modern Ex Husband is a good and loving daddy. Briefly, if I could wax humble and honest, I will say I made lots of mistakes.  No excuses.  I have regrets but am moving on.  I choked on that one a little but hey, I am keeping it real.  Overall the best and most fantastic thing possible thing happened, Modern Kindergartner and Modern Preschooler. The two greatest kids ever and they literally fill my heart with love every single day.  They really are my pride and my joy.  Also, and I am pretty sure about this, the reason I have so much lower back pain.

This is not a divorce blog. Not sure what that means on the account of the fact that I am not sure I would know one if I saw one.  It was first and is still a Mommy Blog.  I guess I am just determined to stick with my original thesis of being normal and not ruled by bitterness.  Don't worry, I won't be offended if you do not believe a word of this so far.  For the most part I plan to just keep on tellin' stories about life and how I screw up my kids so they will have plenty to blog, tweet and txt about for generations to come. I will be making fun of the world as I see it (maybe even as you see it), complaining a whole lot and bragging on my girls and our adventures together.

I will surely find ways to over share more about all of this in posts to come, but for now this should catch everyone up, interest the passers by and bore the rest of you to tears. Feel free to sift through my archives if you are stuck in an airport or a stalled elevator.  Much of my previous writing does not reflect on who I am now, but I cannot yet find the courage to delete it.  Please stop by again soon, extend me some link love and don't forget to comment early and comment often.

Another Great Deal Brought To You By The Modern Family

You know me.  Always sneaking around the Internet, skulking behind corners and peeking into the lesser known websites seeking the buried treasure that is "the undiscovered site"  In this case I was surfing for stylish diaper bags for a friend who just became a mommy.  Naturally I was pleased to stumble upon a fantastic site called ShopWiki.  I was so proud of myself, but now I find out that this site is not exactly a secret, but is rather popular in some of the blogging circles I often play in. 

So the search for the cool diaper bag begins.  I am thinking trendy, stylish, repulsively expensive.  So I thought Coach.  Feast your mommy eyes on these I found on ShopWiki.  This next one you must see, I have included this juicy little photo of the Baby Bjorn family on the go.  Internet meet the "Diaper Bag Dynamic"

I wanna be that family, don't you?  Enough to buy the bags and carrier?  There may also be a wardrobe and make-up change.  But otherwise this could so be me.  Here is your obligatory link for those of you who are so inclined.  I actually found all the baby clothes, accessories, toys, and products from just about every store on the Internet that parents or gift giving friends could want buy. You can find just about anything and everything that your little mommy mind can imagine on this site.  I am seriously always the last to know.  Anyone have good or bad experiences on ShopWiki?  So far the purchases I have made were just what they said they would be, and the experience was great.  Ideas and thoughts on other little known websites for children's toys, clothes etc?  Let me know!!

If it were up to me, I would be the one wearing the trendy clothes, carrying the expensive diaper bag, driving the stylish huge mini-van (the one with all the bells and whistles) living in the fancy gated neighborhood and sipping lattes while the pool man cleans with his shirt off.  But I am more sensible than that.  I drive a hybrid, I wear jeans and t-shirts, I do occasionally sip lattes, but not usually by the pool I do not have.  Mostly I am just mommy, playing with my kids, going to soccer and gymnastics, working my part time job and surfing for just the right diaper bag.

It's Official

I am now a mini-van driving Soccer Mom.  Modern Pre-schooler started soccer last week.  It's more like random ball kicking with the occasional spurts of running and falling.  But she has shin guards and that is as official as it gets for me!  She may in fact be more excited about the family eating dinner out after every Thurs. night practice, but hey this is just the beginning of things she will be doing because it is the whim of parents who think three and a half year olds look good in Nike.

All I know is that I am finally a proud member of that cheering mommy and daddy sideline crew.  Lawn chairs spread out, coolers open and juice boxes on hand for our brave little soccer players.  I yelled, I clapped, I took photos. (note to readers: I recently purchased the digital camera I have been dreaming about for around 6 years.  I have taken many pictures in the last 10 days.  I have not, however, loaded the new software on the computer.  Pictures will be published in agonizing numbers as soon as I get around to the boring installment)  I am so proud of my little girl and cannot help feeling that this may just be the beginning of the end.  As i drove my family home in the mini-van, I felt a swelling in my chest.  I am getting a little teary just typing it.  They grow up so fast.

PS  Have you all read the famous blog: Soccer Mom Vote?  It is a fantastic blog for mommies and daddies alike.  My dear friend and award winning (and creating) Sonia, writes for the The Vote.  Check out her latest post there, and her very own blog here.  And as always check out Sonia and all the other sweet blogs i am digging each and every day by clicking on the handy links provided in my sidebar.

This Is Only A Test

Have you ever casually joked about something only to have it visited upon you and your family within a matter of days?  Well I am always tempting fate, making fun of other people's misfortunes or humilating moments.  It is always in good fun and nearly almost always tastefully done.  But recently I have noticed a bit of a turn in my luck.  Take today for example.  Step out of the mini-van, gum on my shoe.  Nice.  Walking out of the Target bathroom, T paper stuck to my shoe.  Really good looking store manager points this out to me before any other beautiful or handsome people have the chance.  Nice.  Checking in at the Dr office, nice pretty little 20 something office assistant points out the food stuck to my shirt, thank you Modern Toddler.  Done yet?  Enough humiliation for one day... one month?  Nope.  Giddy-Up.  Stopping by pharmacy for scripts, picking up some Advil for my throbbing head and injured pride.  Another shockingly observant pharm. tech is either rude enough, or kind enough to point out my zipper is down.  You mortified for me?  Bring it on.  Back into the car, and I swear on my good name, more gum on my shoe.  I am so done with today.

Modern Mommy And The Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day.

I kind of hate today.  My morning plans fell through, leaving me feeling a bit lost.  Took girls to the park, the slide was too hot for Modern Toddler's cute bottom and she screamed when I tried to put her in the swing.  I hate the near almost meltdown I just about had in the Target women's bathroom.  Modern Toddler screaming, Modern Pre-schooler will not sit on the big potty.  My cell is ringing, and my husband cannot hear me complain over the toilets flushing about how the refrigerator seems not to be keeping things cold and "why is that?"  I have applesauce all over my shirt, thanks to Modern Toddler and all of the women in the bathroom are looking at me because I dropped the sh bomb in front of them, my kids and my sticky green shirt... in a public place.   The house is a mess, laundry piling up and Modern Hubby is running late.  I hate this day, I am going to bed.

The Newest Fashion Craze

I cannot say much for shoes, except what I learned watching Sex in the City.  Ditto for just about any fashion accessory, hand bags, bling and small purse like dogs - or dog like purses, something that barks and matches your wardrobe. Something about the devil and Prada etc etc. But let me welcome you into the modern mommy fashion world.  Slightly less mystery and flash, more cotton and denim.  Today's modern mom is more likely to be found actually wearing food... yogurt, cereal, spaghetti sauce.  You know the drill.  Suffice to say that no one gets out of PJs in this house until you have eaten at least two meals in them.  We have clothes for playing, clothes for portraits and birthday parties, clothes for sleeping, clothes for eating, and most recently clothes for pre-school.  You think your kid comes home dirty? Let me tell you.  There is literally a dirty line where the clothes end and the playground starts.  Even completely naked and ready for bath time, Modern Pre-schooler still looks like she has been body painted like some freaky little anatomically correct life size doll.  And while we are on the subject, let me intro the latest hand me down addition to the modern family, now to be known only as Modern Baby Doll.  This is a scruffy looking doll that Modern Toddler picked up while playing at Modern Mommy's BFF's house.  Modern BFF has 5 children and there are always dolls laying around.  Modern Toddler wanted nothing to do with any of them, until this one.  Now they are inseperable.  Since their first meeting last week, Modern Toddler has not gone anywhere with out Modern Baby Doll.  Eating, napping, playing.  This poor doll just gets dragged along.  I think everyone will be wearing them soon.  You watch.  We find this ridiculously cute right now, and i am sure this will change.  Until then we just play along.  I cannot tell you much about fashion, but I do know what's all the rage in the modern household, cotton t-shirts, sparkling pink leotards and old and gently loved baby dolls.  That is as good as it gets.  Tell me about the toys and things your kids are attached to, and the funny stories attached to them?

 

Role Play

Don't men just have it all made? I think it must be so nice to have such simple roles just laid out for you. I do not have a clue what i think about the "woman's role" We know all the cliches, barefoot, the kitchen thing, have kids and stay home, no kids and the career... or then there are the women who go for it all with grace and ease, bloody hell. I can't seem to figure out who I am from day to day. The men, oh the men. Could it be any easier? True they are forced to live with us, but I just don't imagine them spending hour after excruciating hour trying to reconcile head and heart the way we do. I am strong one day, weak the next. I long to be one of those well adjusted, level headed women who seem to belong where they are at any given moment. My lovely friend Rosie O'Donnell puts rather a fine point on it in Sleepless in Seattle... "Verbal ability is a highly overrated thing in a guy, and it's our pathetic need for it that gets us into so much trouble." True that. So in all my efforts to force change in everyone but myself, I forget this blinding truth. Oh bother, is it really supposed to be so hard to figure out? Can't people be programmed all their lives to be one way? Social, surrounded by people, in the middle of everything. Then comes this thing called motherhood and suddenly you make a choice, buy a mini-van and try every day to reprogram. Alone is not so bad, conversation with a three year old is enough, sleep is not that important. It is like someone put my life on closed captioning. I can't seem to follow the story and concentrate on what's happening right in front of me. And I am sick of me, Yawn. So sick of myself. Better me, lazy me, impatient and nagging me.

Motherhood can be wretched, bleak... long periods of blah, blah, blah with small rays of excitement and fun. Everyone knows the fierceness of how much I love my babies, I have no interest in any life that does not include being their mom. But don't i get to complain and whine as much as anybody else about my job? If my husband comes home after a bad day and has a little rant, i would not say, "Hey honey, maybe you are not cut out for this life, you better quit and come up with something else." When we were kids and we were busy busy thinking we got a raw deal, our parents suck, life is so hard. It is beyond boring to be stuck at home with our parents, and we wanted to be some where else, or maybe someone else. Who knew our parents were thinking the same thing?

These are pretty hard days, when the kids are so little and the needs so immediate and overwhelming. Maybe i should give myself a break, and try to imagine things a year or two down the road. Kids in school, we are all sleeping, maybe even a date or two with my husband. Ok, now i just have to figure out how to shower, cook dinner and be happy all in one day. Then do it again tomorrow, and the next day...

Don't men just have it all made? I think it must be so nice to have such simple roles just laid out for you. I do not have a clue what i think about the "woman's role" We know all the cliches, barefoot, the kitchen thing, have kids and stay home, no kids and the career... or then there are the women who go for it all with grace and ease, bloody hell. I can't seem to figure out who I am from day to day. The men, oh the men. Could it be any easier? True they are forced to live with us, but I just don't imagine them spending hour after excruciating hour trying to reconcile head and heart the way we do. I am strong one day, weak the next. I long to be one of those well adjusted, level headed women who seem to belong where they are at any given moment. My lovely friend Rosie O'Donnell puts rather a fine point on it in Sleepless in Seattle... "Verbal ability is a highly overrated thing in a guy, and it's our pathetic need for it that gets us into so much trouble." True that. So in all my efforts to force change in everyone but myself, I forget this blinding truth. Oh bother, is it really supposed to be so hard to figure out? Can't people be programmed all their lives to be one way? Social, surrounded by people, in the middle of everything. Then comes this thing called motherhood and suddenly you make a choice, buy a mini-van and try every day to reprogram. Alone is not so bad, conversation with a three year old is enough, sleep is not that important. It is like someone put my life on closed captioning. I can't seem to follow the story and concentrate on what's happening right in front of me. And I am sick of me, Yawn. So sick of myself. Better me, lazy me, impatient and nagging me.

Motherhood can be wretched, bleak... long periods of blah, blah, blah with small rays of excitement and fun. Everyone knows the fierceness of how much I love my babies, I have no interest in any life that does not include being their mom. But don't i get to complain and whine as much as anybody else about my job? If my husband comes home after a bad day and has a little rant, i would not say, "Hey honey, maybe you are not cut out for this life, you better quit and come up with something else." When we were kids and we were busy busy thinking we got a raw deal, our parents suck, life is so hard. It is beyond boring to be stuck at home with our parents, and we wanted to be some where else, or maybe someone else. Who knew our parents were thinking the same thing?

These are pretty hard days, when the kids are so little and the needs so immediate and overwhelming. Maybe i should give myself a break, and try to imagine things a year or two down the road. Kids in school, we are all sleeping, maybe even a date or two with my husband. Ok, now i just have to figure out how to shower, cook dinner and be happy all in one day. Then do it again tomorrow, and the next day...

Eggs And Injuries

Now that we have all recovered from picnics and fireworks, settled back in to routine and had a moment to breathe... let's talk about eggs.  July 5th was a pretty typical day in the modern family household.  Girls were up by 8:30 this morning.  I know, I know.  That is pretty late actually.  Usually they sleep until 9am, jealous much?  So I am barely climbing out of bed when they are up and ready to play.  We get in to the normal routine, warm vanilla milk, sesame street and a bit of play time before we start breakfast.  I take my time getting to the kitchen and right about the time I am actually awake was the moment I noticed the eggs.  Or rather the egg carton.  Just a small detail really, maybe something most people might miss.  Not Modern Mommy.  And especially not on a day when I did not get a blog post up early enough, and you know that means that I am still looking for material at 10am.  Sad?  Yeah, just a little.  So, the eggs.  I am halfway into cracking the second egg when I see something printed on the inside of the package.  A scripture.  In Psalms.  I did not get the chapter and verse, but the whole thing struck me as funny.  Who doesn't need a little religion at this hour?  I know.  It's not that early.  Play along here.  It's not like I do not find eggs to be inspiring on their own.  On the contrary.  Eggs can and do move me to be a better person, a kinder mom and a gentler wife.  Eggs have been doing that for centuries.

 

I can think of several occasions in American History alone where eggs have played a major role in the development of our country.  Why just this year Craig Schindewolf of Egg Harbor Township High School, Egg Harbor Township, NJ was awarded an honorable mention in the coveted Gilder Lehrman Prize in American History for his piece on The War of 1812.  You laugh but the Gilder Lehrman Institute of American History is no joke.  Neither is Egg Harbor Township of New Jersey.  To look down at the Egg Harbor River today one might have difficulty conceiving this waterway as a bustling artery of commerce over 400 years ago.  Read up people this is good stuff.  How about the medieval technique of tempera painting?  I never get tired of this story.  Seriously.  The word "tempera" derives from the medieval Latin "temperare," meaning blending or mixing. Today, the word indicates a medium bound with emulsions, combined with dry pigments and water. The exhibition considers techniques using both egg yolk (egg tempera) and milk proteins as principal emulsions.  Researched and wrote that by myself, mostly.  This next part is pure plagerism.  "Eggs also have the properties of foaming, coagulating, emulsifying, and coloring, which make them useful in cakes, custards, meringues, mayonnaise, and other foods typical of American culinary taste. Among their nonfood uses: eggs and eggshells are used in fertilizers; fertile eggs are used in the production of the vaccines for canine distemper, mumps, and yellow fever; and egg yolks are used to preserve bull semen for artificial insemination."  Priceless though right.

Now that you are totally grossed out, and forgive me for the adult cow content (can you imagine the Google searches this post will return?  I cannot wait, and I promise to again share the latest search keywords in the next  few weeks!) but the shock and awe was too good to pass up.  I will never eat, prepare or paint with eggs again, but hey who is not up for a learning experience, I was!  I wanted to mention also several injuries I have suffered already today.  The first of course was due to falling out of my chair while writing this post.  Subsequently, I have been whacked in the nose (Modern Pre-schooler) punched in the eye (Modern Toddler) and (completely serious now) cut my finger on a rather sharp egg shell.  Don't even say it.